May2011 - reflection post 1

So as it turns out people are right about a couple of things - "time flies when you are having fun" and "as you get older the years fly by". Why is that I wonder... I won't even begin to try and figure that out and I won't even comment further as to why I think that is - I just want to assure that people are right about those two things. I was given a book for Mother's Day from my son "travelling with Pomegranates" - a mother daughter story that made me laugh, made me cry and made me think about my past, present and future all at the same time. I love the fact that my son gave it to me, I'm glad that it was given to me at a time in my life that brought me so much enlightment, empowerment and ah haa moments. I want to share so much of the story with you but yet I want other Mother's, daughter, aunts and sisters to take the time and get ahold of this book if you can. It is written by a mother and daughter that have reached stages in each of their lives that just brought so much of my life close to home. I am 45 this year and I have thought about being 1/2 way through life - really chances are if I live to 90 - I'm 1/2 way - have I really lived half my life, and what do I want to do with the other half or the rest of the half I have left. I know I'm jumping the gun but there are things I want to do - there are places I want to go and there are certain people that I wish to make memories with. I started this blog as a "bucket list" and also as a way of sharing with who ever wanted to hear "my story" "my thoughts" and well who cared about "me". I mentioned in my last post that I wanted to start writing letters to people that 1 I think I need to reveal more of me, 2 thoughts on how and who have impacted me in some way throughout my life thus far and 3 just to let them know that if....this is what I think they need to know to move forward or maybe what I've been scared to share with them. For those that truly know me know I don't talk much about my past, again from what I remember growing up as a child I don't have a lot of memories (not sure good or bad) why that would be - this is a personal struggle that I deal with. Another reason would be that from what I remember I really don't feel that my story is any different (good or bad) worth sharing with those that maybe want to know or don't know or frankly feel they need to know.  I like to think that the things that I have experienced or memories that others remember of me are good and that the reason that the people are in my life now and continuing to make memories are the ones that truly want to be there. I'm grateful that this "blog" allows me and others to share in the freedom of expressing your thoughts and ideas for others to know that one you are not alone, two you need to say things to people that maybe you have been holding onto not saying to people "just in case". Instead of thinking or telling others you know how I feel about you right, or I wonder if they know they hurt me when...I have become brave I guess and stronger in my beliefs about how people should be treated and well how I should be perceived by others - you should be able to have an open and honest conversation with someone knowing that the words you say to them may be construed as hurtful you are saying those words to them so they understand that of all the people in the world your friends and family are the most important to you and that you need to talk and express your feelings openly - honestly and you are not saying things to be hurtful you are simply sharing your thoughts and feelings of the situation and that you should not keep those burdens to fester into blame, guilt and other fearsom worries that stay with you. For every tear that may be shed - a bond of forgiveness may follow.
Post #2 will be my regular update of what has been happening in the Month of May...