May 2011 - post #2

So May turned out to be another month spent making memories by enjoying Mother's Day in Moosejaw with my grand daughter, daughter, sister and Mother. We left Wed aftn May 4th to drive to my sisters where we spent the evening talking about what a fabulous time we were about to embark on at the Spa. We have been planning this Mother's day weekend since Christmas it almost felt like and was absolutely thrilled when the time finally came to go. The only and I'm going to say only was that my other sister couldn't join us. My sister has a greenhouse and other family priorities at this time of year that didn't allow her the time to get away. We took the scenic route on Thurs and knew that we had 8 hours in the car with 4 women and a toddler so we all had our "things to keep us occupied" piles and needless to say when we arrived we all thought the "once we got there" was greater than the "are we there yet" worked out well in the end. The next couple of days we enjoyed the mineral waters,  the spa treatments and bonding with each other as well as the awesome scenery, food and fun times. We all agreed it shoud be an annual event and that we would all be willing to sacrifice the car ride for another year of making great relationships even greater. Dad was anxiously awaiting moms return and the girls and I emptied the car and crashed for the return to work the next day. We waited to pick up Spaz and to stop by and see Dave who was missing "his girls" - the love that he shows for me, his sister and neice is sometimes overwhelming and so endearing that it just makes my heart burst. Dave had two books and cookies by george (yummo) for his favorite mommy and wow I must say that was fantastic. You must know what's coming next - along with good comes bad - well I can't say that it's bad, but what I can say is the truth, I haven't heard from my other son since December and that upsets me. I can't understand or even comprehend what would keep a child away from a parent for that long without reaching out, calling or stopping by. My heart aches at the thought of not knowing but yet not wanting to know thinking that his birthday is on June 4th and as much as I would love to see him. I want to see him healthy and happy and enjoying life as that is my want, wish or belief for every child, not just mine. I pray he's safe, I pray that he knows I care for him and love him deeply but that there are choices that everyone makes in life and that given I don't really know my son, I can't begin to offer solutions for why things are the way they are. I can only love him unconditionally and to accept the things that happen in life happen for a reason. I have been struggling at work this last while as well. I know I wanted to separate the work with life thing but I also know that as much as you try and separate the more they seem to intertwine. I have a physical booked in June so let's hope that my doctor (who just gave notice of his retirement) can hopefully provide some insight as to what has been happening and to offer some guidance as to what I may be able to focus on to help allieviate some things that I need to face. The kids and I went to Jon's gravesite to pay our respects on the 4th anniversary of his passing. Again we each reflected on the fact that he's been gone for 4 years and what if...I wonder...and wouldn't that be great if... I shared with the kids my wishes on what I would like when I pass and we shared some laughs, tears and are you serious moments... I had my regular monthly dinner dates with friends and I must say this is one idea I'm so glad I stick too. I really enjoy those destressing evenings with the people that truly enjoy spending time together to just open up and share things that any other times just doesn't happen. The long weekend in May provided me and son an opportunity to catch a movie which I must say was awesome. The girls went camping and I must say had an amazing time as well. So here we have the end of Month 5 of 12 and I'm sure will have even more things to talk about next month.