November 2013

I want to be remembered as someone that was there. I mean available. I love to create memories with my grand child.

I have read many posts recently about memories of loved ones that have now passed. I struggle with my memories, as I can't recall a lot of childhood memories with my grandparents, or cousins since I didn't spend a lot of time with them growing up. Both my parents relatives lived a distance away.

I hear of others recall memories of their childhood and the time they spent with others with gratitude. When I think back on my past I have feelings of sadness and missed opportunities. I look at my grand daughter and hope that she remembers the trips we took, the time we laughed playing silly games, reading stories and knows that it was time well spent and worth remembering.

I shed tears for the children that don't have memories of a happy childhood and for parents and grand parents that missed opportunities to laugh, live and be loved by the little people that surround them.

I made some changes in my life and the ones that share it with me.  I'm not struggling for acceptance, or to be needed. I've realized what's really important: happiness, friends and love. I've opened my heart for others to see that it doesn't take much to please me, just time with me and if you don't have time for me I will offer the same to you.

I want every relationship I have to be an investment. Investment in me, in the other person and in the future. I don't want to feel like it's an obligation to spend time together. It should be a shared experience that is welcomed by each party. There should be no struggle, no judgement, just free will of individuals enjoying each others time and space.

My plan for the future is to smile at the fact that I'm living each day for no more yesterdays and a billion tomorrows. The time and energy I spend with the people that surround me get what they give. If they give of their time, they will get the same back.

I can't give more of me than I have. I have to save some for myself and time for reflection. I thank you for your time and hope I get to spend more time with you in the future.